so i was just updating this
five minutes ago
and i accidentally deleted all of this

i'm lazy
so i'm not going to say what i was explaining before
i should probably stop being lazy.. i mean lazy with my brain
i don't ever like to do homework
and i don't like doing anything really
other than sleep or take drugs

i love drugs omg
but i need to stop
i'm going to fry my brain
which doesn't really matter
because i'm dying when i'm 19 anyways
haha

end of the year
finals week!
and i'm not even excited
i just want it to be over now
i don't want to wait THREE MORE DAYS
it seems like forever
like so long

so i'm dating goldie
and omg he's amazing
and i'm really happy
however, i feel like something is missing
i still miss her
HER, why her
why does she keep me from everything
no matter where i go
or what i do
she is always right there with me

i promised forever
and so did she, but she left..
and i want out now
i think it's just when i come on here
i get so sad
because i remember how perfect everything was
i was so unbelievably happy
and i know she wasn't
but i know she could be
if she was mine now..

maybe if i was prettier
i mean i woudln't break up with goldie
just to date her
because that's really bitchy
and i like him a lot
but... i used to be a lesbian
how can you just stop being something
how can you stop being who you are
you can't..
so why do i feel differently

i pretty much don't like girls anymore
only certain ones..
only certain kinds
but i don't like boys either..
once again only certain ones

goldie is amazing
but she.. she is irreplacable

i'm trapt
but i'm forget
until i come on DA again
i read the poems
and old notes
and i miss it
i miss what we had
everything..
i want to go back to that time

i have to go to commencement tonight
for orchestra.. which blows big time ><
but it's alright
i'm not gonna get to hang out with goldie for TWO days
which is a lot
considering we chill like everyday

i'm gonna go.. i only have 8 minutes left in this class
i think i'm gonna play some tetrus
i have a huge headache

<3
i like journals on DA
no one reads them